So this sort of shit makes me feel like an incredible asshole. I’ve always been aware of that stereotype of the rabid coffee drinker who is the grumpiest piece of shit until he’s had his coffee fix, but somehow my idea had always been “Christ, that guy’s an asshole, people like that are just shitty and need to have some self-control.” I mean, if you know that not having coffee will make you grumpy, you should probably take some mental steps to prepare yourself for unfavorable human interactions, right? Just take the modicum of time to breath deeply, and keep your head low until you’ve got that caffeine in your system.
Well it turns out I’m a huge asshole and a shitty person because I’ve been doing that for like a week now. Every day for quite a while now I’ve had some serious cravings to make myself cups of tea. I even have this huge John Wayne mug that has the collective residue of hundreds of cups of tea over the years caked on the inside, which I’m kind of proud of. But yeah, I’ve been drinking nonstop. I ran out of coffee a little while ago. I also kept catching myself blowing up on people and just feeling like an utter piece of shit.
Anyway I figured enough is enough, I need the big guns. Literally the only coffee in the house is a jar of instant, which tastes like shit, so I mixed a french press full with two scoops of instant coffee and one scoop of Ovaltine to compensate (I mean that’s still gross but it’s kind of less gross), and within a few minutes I felt pretty awesome again. So apparently caffeine was the problem. But I’d been drinking tea the whole time? How do twelve cups of tea not add up to two cups of coffee? Coffee only has like three times the caffeine density.
I felt like unwinding so I made a cup of tea, and I looked at the box and in little letters I find out that shit’s decaffeinated. Look, family, I feel really bad about acting like a total piece of shit on you and blowing up all week. But you brought it upon yourselves pulling that fucking switcharoo on me. Also I still think that people who are jerks when they don’t have their coffee are still assholes, but I think my eyes have been opened to the plight of coffee assholes, and I’m sorry for hating you. But get your act together you fucks.
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - Same Love feat. Mary Lambert
Temporarily open for funny caricatures from me, Marlo Meekins. (winner of Caricaturist of the Year: The Silver Nose from the International Society of Caricature Artists)
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I still want to adjust the color but this one was fun.
Thought I’d try something Oekaki style. Then I decided to apply a bloom filter because I’m a total tool.
Nabokov on Kafka on Insects (my reading)